100 Funny Money Quotes That Will Either Make You Rich or Just Laugh

This is a huge list of funny money quotes that will either help you get rich quickly, or just make you smile or even laugh, we can’t guarantee which one will happen, but for sure one of these will! I guess you will have to ready it to find out.

What’s better than having lots of money in your stash? If not better, this could be the second-best. Quotes about money can be inspirational for some and help them manifest the kind of lifestyle they are looking for. 

On the contrary, some find wealth in the humor of money quotes. In any case, money can be crucial, but it can also be funny!

Some Funny Money Quotes you can keep handy.

Here are some 100 funny money quotes that can keep you amused today or be a sassy comeback to remember for the right moment:

1. “Don’t get your honey where you get your money.”

2. “Money often costs too much.”

3. “If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?”

4. “Too many people spend money to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.”

5. “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.”

6. “Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.”

7. “I am having an out-of-money experience.”

8. “Money is really only important if you don’t have any!”

9. “Money often costs too much.”

 10. “Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.”

 11. “I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” 

 12. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”

 13. “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.”

 14. “If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.”

 15. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.” 

 16. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

 17. “I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed”.

 18. “It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.” 

 19. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” 

 20. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”

21. “Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.”

22. “Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.”

23. “Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.”

24. “Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them.”

25. “I hate math….. but I love counting money.”

26. “In God we trust, others must pay cash.”

27. “I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.”

28. “God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.”

29. “If there is a “WILL,” there are 500 relatives.”

30. “No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.”

31. “If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”

32. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

33. “Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells.”

34. “The rich. You know why they’re so odd? Because they can afford to be.”

35. “Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?”

36. “A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.”

37. “My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.”

38. “I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.”

39. “What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”

40. “I think I’m starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven’t seen any money through the entire house.”

41. “If lying was a job, some people would be billionaires.”

42. “Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.”

43. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”

44. “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”

45. “The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!”

46. “To make a million, start with $900,000.” Morton Shulman.”

47. “Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate a lot of interest.”

48. “Due to current economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.”

49. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.”

50. “Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” 

51. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” 

52. “When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”

53. “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”

54. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer.”

55. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” 

56. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” 

57. “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.”

58. “The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste.”

59. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.”

60. “I’m a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!”

61. “Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.”

62. “I am so broke; I can’t even afford to fill up my bicycle.”

63. “Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm; it disappears quickly.”

64.”Carpe per diem – seize the check.”

65. “It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” 

66. “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” 

67. “No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.”

68. “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.”

 69. “Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.”

70. “The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.”

71. “Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” 

72. “They say money doesn’t bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.”

73. “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!”

74. “And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.”

75. “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”

76. “I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”

77. “Do I run? Yes… Out of time, patience and money.”

78. “He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” 

79. “I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet.”

80. “Money is the best deodorant.”

81. “Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.”

82. “All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.”

83. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” 

84. “Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” 

85. “True love isn’t about what’s on the outside; it’s about what’s on the inside…. the wallet.”

86. “I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.” –

87. “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.”

88. “I’ve done the calculation, and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.”

89. “I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.”

90. “I don’t understand people who say, “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.”

91. “One day, my wife’s credit card got stolen….. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!”

92. “What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.”

93. “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”

94. “It’s money; I remember it from when I was single.”

95. “They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?”

96. “This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt.” 

97. “My problem lies in reconciling my gross habit with my net income.”

98. “Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.”

99. “It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go; I will always bend down and pick it up.”

100. Closing with the last one for the “broke folk” – “My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.”


Motivating, inspirational or sarcastic, money quotes have quite the charm. Start a pitch or an essay with one, or just remember one to throw in your powerful speech. 

We hope these money quotes were fun for you to read. Which one is your favorite? And which one would you like to save to a point? If you want to learn more about money beyond just the point of making you laugh, try this article about credit cards ID numbers and what they really mean.

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